St. Patty's Day Tourney: Headlines and Match ups

Welp, it’s that time of the year again folks…..St. Patty’s day is upon us and so is the 2nd annual debaucherous 25 minute flip cup tourney. The hype to this year’s festivities have reached level records with a 32 team tourney, 15 expected kegs, a whiteboard, a referee, and coverage from ESPN the “Ocho”.
Here’s a look at some of the most intriguing first round match ups and tournament headlines.

1. WILL A CHAMPION FINALLY BE CROWNED?
It’s been 3 years since The Degenerates/degenerationnation.com moved into 57 & 4th and we’re still awaiting our first flip cup champion. Whether it’s been the police, the booze, the lack of, or just plain stupidity nobody’s left with the belt. Still, to everyone’s amazement unit 4 claims that the title belongs to them.
“It’s my house, so I make the rules. If you don’t like them you can fuckoff. Another word and your team will lose its spot in the tourney.”
Righhhhhhhhhhhhhht.
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Vegas odds had the tourney being completed at 20 to 1.
For this to happen a number of things must go down.

1. The Degenerates MUST make it to the finals. If they’re not there who knows if they’ll have enough motivation to complete the tourney. I really don’t want to picture them losing. I can’t decide if it will end in heartbreak or housebreak but in some way shit will hit the fan.

Picture Team Ivey losing a case comp to 31 homeless teams. Or 123 Lets Blaze losing in a bole ripping contest to The Girls Next door. Or the Quebecqueers not being the biggest homos around (why do they take pride in this).

All I’m saying is that I don’t want to be anywhere near the Degenerates during any of their matches. If I’m matched up against them, I will forfeit. I don’t need to witness a murder, nor be a part of one.

If you want this tourney to finish, let them pass through.

2. The underage bar tender/referee chick who was hired straight out of Sammy’s last week cannot fuck up the beer nor get arrested. On the subject of girls, pouring beer on a white t-shirt is an acceptable method of drinking.

3. When (not if) the cops come, give them a spot in the tourney. Too many times people sketch out when they show and bounce. Why not have a spot slated for them in the bracket? It only makes sense. There’s no way they’ll turn it down. If they’re on the same page as us I can’t imagine more than a 3 minute meet and greet with them before their on their way.
Actually I’d like to see The Degenerates take the down cops 4-0 and then all get arrested. (That would be more classic than a Mel and Mike Little simultaneous ejection from a Forest Hill hockey house league game.)
But of course that would end the tourney, so let’s all be legit to the pigs and have donuts waiting.
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For all intensive purposes let’s say all the aforementioned take place, leading to the FIRST EVER CHAMPION.
Congratulations to the champs for doing enough blow to not feel any affects of alcohol.
Now the question is who will contend for the belt…

2. THE FAVOURITES

Team Jayden. Enough said. I don’t know who else is on the team. It doesn’t matter. Vegas Odds 6 to 1

The Degenerates – Yes we all know it’s their tournament. If ROZ can figure out how to flip they should be heading to the finals. But that’s a BIG if. Vegas Odds 4 to 1.

Team Steam - They’re veteran 5th year flippers and have already taken down a golf tourney this year. Watch out for these sickos. Big Question: In which round will Wizzle’s banters turn to jibberish…..If it’s after the 3rd round than they’re good to go….. Vegas Odds 8 to 1

3. THE DARK HORSES
1. Beer Factor (Phil Zuker, Jesse Farkas, Dave Chajes, Colt Haywood)
Vegas Odds are paying 25 to 1. Throw your money on them
If you had an award for the most random team these guys would win hands down. But besides being 4 singles merged into 1 team they could be a force in the tourney.
Since no team has ever won this tournament I’m going to make up my own formula for success. These guys have met the criteria.
Have someone that’s a blood relative to Jayden. There’s no explanation needed.
Having zero team chemistry and zero experience together. It’s clear that no team has won that’s had experience so it’s gotta be a curse.
Big Question: Will it be a problem that the players will forget their teammates names throughout the tourney?

2. Half Empty (83 St. George # 17) – The only 4 man 4 year house in London history. It’s fair to say that these 4 have accomplished nothing together as a house, (except a yearly poker game) and in that span and have gathered enough hatred for each other to fuel an African tribe. Well, WHAT’S THE POINT VENTURA??
Only this! ……..These 4 can fuel that bitterness into a 25 minute tourney and for the first time in 4 years can make something positive happen as a house. I really would not bet against them. These guys were up 3-0 to the Vaughan Panthers, completely blew it, and then gathered up enough balls to win it in 7. Seriously these guys have heart: When they want.
The Big Question?: After a startling injury can coach Jack “Landen” Adams switch flip his team to the finals?

3. The Girls Next Door (sam, Jamie, jen, Emily)
These girls are on their home court. Nothing phases them. These girls are good. They’re reminding me of the ’91 Twins. Very resilient. I did however see them spying on The Degenerates during their daily flipcup workouts. So spygate controversy may arise.
The Big Question: Would they give up their tivo/PVR for 1 day for a shot at the title. I say yes. Vegas Odds 32 to 1

4. THE NO SHOTS IN HELL

All Day (165 Ann)
I’m having a tough time understanding the meaning behind their name. Does it refer to the youtube video when the guy blazes all day, or is it referring to how these fuckers slept ALL DAY through the tourney last year. Who says that this year will be any different? Are they even gonna show up??? Do they even drink? How did these girls get a spot in the bracket to begin with? What a disgrace…. Vegas Odds: 250 to 1.

Wyked Scepter (Jared Shoychet, Ryan Sax, Ryan Perlus, Sped)

We’ve all heard of the curse of the Black Pearl, The curse of the Bambino, but what you haven’t heard about is the CURSE OF THE COMPLEX. For 3 long wintry years these men roamed unit one: Shattering snake aquariums, jumping off balconies, stealing pizza pockets, cheering for the Titans, puking and pissing on the newly seeded grass, and of course dismantling barbeques. The lords of the 57th Complex would not let this go unnoticed. Not only would their pipes burst in their new home over reading week but they’d be eliminated in the first round of the St. Patty’s day flip cup tourney 2 weeks later. Their “Drink Hard…Flip soft” motto would only last them 6 games in their old stomping grounds. A disappointing yet fitting end to their time at the complex. Karma had caught up to them. The CURSE OF THE COMPLEX lives on. Vegas Odds 275 to 1

Quebecqueers
They named THEMSELVES the Quebecqueers. They don’t have much going for them other than a massive left nut and some inner team beef over a female Quebecqueer (which could be a highlight match up if they both miraculously make it out of round 1). As well, at the 57th and 4th tourney we use large red cups. Not pussy blue shot glasses from Montreal. They will not be able to adapt to this change, and given the incompetence of these 4 lads (These are the same guys that chose Montreal over this town, and are still sticking to that fucked up decision.) I find it nearly impossible for them to make any noise in the tourney. Bring your green hats. Queers.
Vegas Odds: 180 to 1

5. Other important First Round match ups
4 Guys 1 Cup vs. Team Tyler Peikes
Should be a cakewalk if 4 guys 1 cup use apple juice. I’ll take them in 7

Team Ivey vs. Swallow don’t Spill
Otherwise known as the worst team name vs. the best team name. Honestly, who the hell would name their team Team Ivey. Imagine if every team were as hurting as these girls. It would sound something like this. TEAM BMOS FINANCE VS. CHAT APPLIED HEBREW TIGERS…..or……TEAM PHILOSPHY SOCIAL SCI ROOM 3018 VS. TEAM MIT 221. Make sure you’re dressed in green and not your ivey attire for the tournament. Swallow don’t spill in 6

Team Lexi vs. Team Amanda
I’ve heard rumblings that Team Lexi is bringing in 2 or 3 subs. That would call for immediate disqualification. (On another note isn’t great that the Chajes’s have 3 different kids playing on 3 different teams. I was hoping they’d all play on the same team. I guess that was out of the question) Team Amanda in 5

Angry Penguins vs. Thirsty Camels
Last years surprise team vs. 4 trustworthy girls. Khazzam chirping with his new haircut will be enough to throw them off their game. Angry Penguins in 4


I’ve wasted a shit load of time writing this. See you Monday
- Beer guy