doozie the troozie

welcome to the blog,
to those of you who don't read our nonsense very often i invite you to venture into the literature of 4 seriously sick fucks. This post is actually for the inexperienced reader whose knowledge of Ebonics and other social slangs isn't at par with the average douchebag dude who sits around all day coming up with new shit to post on urban dictionary as a pass time. this post is for all those times that you're sitting around listening to a bunch of friends talk, and a couple words you hear being used just don't make sense to you. Well let me explain something real quick. all words can have alternate meanings it just depends how you use it. if it sounds good enough it will be accepted as legitimate slang after a while. if it sounds fuckin stupid... people will let you know and you will quickly lose your credibility as a slang inventor. additionally, slang can get mutated and words that once sounded legit get mixed up in a mess and become something else. the intricate and convoluted use of slang is therefor a very difficult game to pick up. so here are some terms that are well recognized by many, and if you use them properly you shouldn't be surprised when people know what you're saying.

terms:
what are you up to? or whats up? where are you going? - wuts poppin, wuts good, wuts your word, wuts the flex, wut are you sayin, whats your scene, where you rollin, wuts your deal, wheres the chill, you gonna reach?

mutated versions- wuts your word becomes "chur word"... are you going out becomes "you rolling out"...
amoung others, all of those mean around the same thing, but be careful in usage cuz remember its all about credibility. just because some guy says "whats your felch?" does not mean "felch" is a legit slang.

so to those of you who understand this shit please feel free to explain this next sentence in a comment on this post

" yo my dude, wuts the dilly.... some fellas were looking for a session figured youd be down. they lookin to pick a fin or wutver you can spot 'em. so tonight we'll get belig hit rum rizzys for a bit before i get BOD and yuke all over your pad with a pouter in hand"

The real music videos

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The Degeneral Strikes Again - a typical pregame

Like most, I have always thought I had a purpose in life. Some underlying path that only I was meant to take. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I expect to be walking the path I am. I always thought my purpose lied outside of hedonistic experience and debauchery. But as my short time on earth has proven, little else can remain a central part of my being as much as fornication and fraternization. Sure there are outside endeavors and pursuits but nothing that we attack with such intemperance as going on a free-living, hell-bent blowout. Very few things ignite the passion that can be seen in an individual going through a night of degeneracy. It seems that me and many others are quite adept at the high-living indulgent life style that tends to be reserved for rockstars. Below is an outline of the typical night of a Degenerate.

7:30pm - Open first beer.
- The first beer of the night has the ability to wake the party animal inside of us all. You arise from your burnt out stupor and begin thinking more clearly. Usually corresponds with a puck-drop of tip-off.
7:45pm - Second beer.
- With the second beer one finds whatever one is doing has gone much more exciting. Your voice begins to rise slightly and you find yourself subconsciously clapping during moments of exhilaration
8:00pm - Three Beer
- At this point you are speaking like you are standing in front of a classroom. Word annunciation become emphasized and at this point your talking at a level that would wake up anyone in your house if they were not also talking at the same level you are.
8:15pm - Beer #4
- The initial activity that got you drinking (such as a sporting event) now takes second place to generally tomfoolery that is often followed with some form of drinking game (or drinking athletics as I like to call it)
8:40 - 9:00 - Beer Me A Shower
- Ahhh the shower drink. What a great time can be had half-buzzed with a full beer in the shower. You better expect some singing and probably some dancing. This is one of those only times were you absolutely comfortable with anyone barging into the shower. In fact, you pretty much want it to happen just for shits.
9:00-9:30 - Beer 6 - Being a DD - a drunk dresser
- After the shower, grab another beer, and have your requisite smoke after shower. At this point the tunes start blaring and you face one of the biggest decisions of the night, what to wear. Drunk Dressing is a skill that can only be learned over time. People who are not used to it can often have unforeseen and often unforgettable results with critical articles of clothing missing or backwards. To be a successful drunk dresser you have to devote yourself to it. That means a serious regiment of getting drunk every time you get dressed. Yes, that includes breakfast. How else are you going to learn? I mean I know beerios are cliche but they can really help you in this endeavor.
9:30 - The Prejizz
- At this time you head once again to your respective common room where the noise from the television has been replaced with laughing and arguments over irrelevant issues. It's time to get off that beer shit, you know what they say beer is a lot like making love in a canoe*. Pick your poison, Vodka with Fresca and Redbull is my personal favorite but what do i know.
10:15 - The Pregame
- Now some of your closer friends have begun to arrive. No longer is it just you and your housemates but a growing contingent of degenerates. Doors are open. Smokes are smoked. And it is a wonder how the cops are not here yet.
10:45 - The Predrink
- Boys and Girls are now celebrating in there degeneracy. Introductions are made, inhibitions go down the drain, and deathmix goes down the throat. This is often seen as the best part of the night. The hour or so where everyones together before entering the high intensity atmosphere of the bar or club. After leaving the predrink you may never see these people again so cherish the time you have...


Next Week... The Return of the Degeneral - 12:00-2:30> The Bar, 2:30-6:30 > The Post Drink

* It's fucking close to water

Bums...behinds...tushys....asses...cracks...cheeks....anuses....poopers...what have you

This weeks poll is who has the nicest one in london.

Post a comment to suggest who you think should be nominated for 2008's nicest ass award.

Part 3 - Rantings of a Displaced Pirate

Welcome back to the third installment of Rantings of a Displaced Pirate. The Rantings have continually tried to shed light on the modern day Pirate movement (or Pirattitude as its known to its followers) and express the thoughts of a modern day swashbuckl'r living off the Thames.

Firstly, the swashbuckl'r would like to give serious props to Jordana Hart for taking down the 'Who'd you bang poll'. She has repeatedly upped her game throughout university and the public has seemed to take notice. Congratulations but dont let it get to your head

Since the last posting and the revelation that there would indeed be a part 3 of rantings of a displaced pirate there has been much talk about the subject at hand. That of course being the phenomenon of Girls who only talk to you at bars and their underlying self-esteem issues behind it. This issue is directly related to booze and its ability to loosen and lower inhibitions. In todays society it is often common place for the male gender to approach and introduce, however, this role can be reversed in many social situations where liquor is involved. This role reversal can inevitably lead to confusion upon a second more sober introduction. Now my personal problem is that i constantly get BOD* and cant remember the things I saw or the people I did. Now this lack of memory combined with the females inability to approach for the second time can often lead to impression that I may be rude or disinterested when really I just dont remember. In fact to make it into the displaced mind of the pirate one must often do outrageous or outlandish things.

Now it's important to highlight the key message in the above ranting. Girls, if you've met a guy at a bar and he seems to ignore you the next time u see him. He's not ignoring you he just doesnt remember you. You decide which is worse.

* BOD - Black Out Drunk

Coming up...
Next week's poll.... who has the best ass in london (please post potential nominess in comment section)
PART 4 of Rantings of a Displace Pirate - The Pillage and Plunder of Saint George

secondary persona

As the title suggests, this posting will discuss the idea of secondary persona's. To many of you this term might be new, and some might think I'm simply talking about medically determined illness like bipolar behavior or schizophrenia. unlike those diseases, this kind of secondary persona is much less serious and is commonly brought on by the over consumption of alcohol or marijuana. If you're starting to see the bigger picture, you may know someone with this hilarious tendency.
throughout my high school and university career, my friends and I have spent numerous nights testing the effects of alcohol and marijuana sometimes separately and sometimes together in order to find the perfect dosage to create the blissful point of "absolute intoxication". This point that I speak of is rarely reached because you usually find yourself hugging the bowl, slurring your words or passing out on the nearest floor. In our attempts to get fucked up beyond all recognition, on a search for a "Zen" like place that doesn't exist, we have come perilously close to alcohol poisoning many times.
But I digress, this article is about the hour or 45 minutes right before the boiling point of puking or passing out. It is in this time period that a few of my friends guys and girls have shown the ability to leave their bodies and minds entirely and allow some subconscious entity to take control and handle the decision making process on what promises to be a sloppy ride. This foreign entity is what I like to call the secondary persona but for the sake of writing, I will refer to the Secondary Persona as SP. Usually the SP carries attributes that are totally out of sync with your friend's regular characteristics.
In some cases the alcohol induces extreme violence, destructive tendencies, or extreme depression and your former friend becomes unapproachable without serious risk of danger or long boring conversation. At other times the SP actually becomes a pretty good person to party with. Your once shy awkward friend is now the party animal he or she has always wanted to be. Now the conscious mind that was holding them back has drowned in pool of alcohol and weed smoke and the SP is embracing the spotlight. With the SP in control, the people around take notice and girls often create a name for this previously unseen side of their friend, usually "drunken ______ (insert name)" because they aren't creative enough to get a jokes name going. the males self-proclaime nicknames like the suave-dog, casa-nova, Jewy the Jew, Smashley, tequila-rosen-coke'enblatt, or slightly easier names like Karl and Doug become the title of this rising star. His or her once quiet demeanor has turned into a brilliant source of one liners, jokes, and shows of alpha male dominance or in the case of girls the ability to dance all night in 7 inch heels and the courage to chirp a guy who you otherwise be intimidated by. Their pick up artistry is suave and confident, and the guy who could never seal the deal now has his choice of half the brods in the room and the reserved little girl who would never flirt with a guy is now grinding with guys like she's on BET uncut....
Unfortunately for the guys, the SP baller has no interest in women beyond a sloppy make out here or there, because the SP's real interests lie in continuous drinking and partying in order to maintain control. for women the problem is created by their friends whose jewish motherly instincts pull the blossoming young SP away from her beau and take her home to bed. Guys don't have friends who will take us home and spare us the embarrassment of hooking up with a brod you thought you slayed with the precision of a sniper rifle at the time, but in-fact you were wearing a welders mask and you were actually using a harpoon to reel it in.
Sadly, the over consumption of alcohol that once led to fame and fortune is now the flaw that will lead to his inevitable demise. The peak of his stardom comes and goes and the night crawls slowly to the end at which point our once legendary rocker SP has spilled 3 drinks on himself, turned down 2 women who were interested, and is left with 1 thing. The bottle of booze he started the night with. He carries the empty 26er in hand until he smashes it for one last rush before he stumbles home with the smell of alcohol and weed emanating from every pore.


Of course this can be changed and as friends it is our responsibility to make sure that friends were drinking with don't get out of hand. but if you ask me, who wants to party with a negative Nancy or shy guy when you know there is an SP baller waiting to come out from behind the curtains of soberness??... so to all of those who really only get to hear about your cool swinging Secondary Persona from your friends the next morning, i raise this glass to you, cuz god willing we'll be partying together again soon.

Fuck Weldon

Fuck Weldon, fuck the guy who spent time designing this ugly Fucking concrete monstrosity in the middle of campus. fuck the dude who decided there wouldn't be a heated smoking area, fuck the laptop section that gets disconnected from the internet every 30 minutes, fuck the shitty ass elevators that smell like hot garbage, fuck the guys who sit alone at a table that seats atleast five, fuck the sash wearing hall monitor wannabe's who hand out fake fuckin tickets for eating, like its a fuckin crime?!! fuck the dingy lighting, the lack of seating, and the guys who wear way too much cologne, fuck the windows that dont look outside, fuck the cement walls that are designed to look like wood, fuck the squeaky chairs, the cubicals without plugs, and the fuckin girls who are always on their cell phones. fuck the people who type so loud that everyone can hear, like hitting the space bar harder is gonna make it space faster!! fuck the guy whose earphones are on loud enough to be speakers, fuck the idiots who are on their blackberry's the whole time like their jobs are on the line, fuck the girls with their gum snapping, nails tapping, purse rattling bullshit. but most of all... FUCK YOU ... YEAH YOU ...fuck you for sitting in the library or in class or at home or on your fuckin computer taking time to read this fuckin shit.... FUCK YOU and fuck all the shit that you stand for.

PS. FUCK YOU TOM BRADY... YOU LET ME DOWN MAN

To those of you who do not go to Western, Weldon is the main campus library where the majority of students find themselves spending inordinate amounts of time during high stress work weeks or exam periods. I apologize for the profanity.

J.M IS NO LONGER A VIRGIN...This is ground breaking news that gives hope to men everywhere. God bless that child..and the drunk girl crazy enough to subject herself to this sort of deviant sexual activity.

I was at the bar last night, drinking it up, having a good time, hittin on some ladies. Im talking to this one girl when she suddenly turns to me and asks : do you know my name?...Unaware of her name, I reply honestly and say no. A little dismayed, she offers me a hint. She says, "I'll give you a clue..my name starts with the letter Z". Confused as fuck, I think to myself...a 'Z'? What female name starts with the letter 'Z'?

I go through the list of names in my head and all I can come up with is the name Zelda. I think for a second that there is no way this girl is named zelda, but what other names start with a fucking 'z'? Zena? Zachary? Zev?...who knows....it must be Zelda...Triumphunt in my search for the mysterious z-name, i confidently tell this girl that her name MUST BE Zelda.







(it turns out her name was Zoey)

sometimes when im all alone i finger myself..up and down and in and out..but first I play with my clit to get nice and wet.. then I sometimes use a banana...never eat a banana if a girl offers you one..u must understand where its been..more importantly, dont eat banana bread..(its made from the old, used, rotten ones that stink of pussy)..so unless u want a nice piece of fish bread, just say no.

What smells worse than an anchovi?



...an anchovi's pussy!

A Tale of Two Towns

Remember in grade 12 when you had to make the monumentous decision of deciding what do after highschool? The options seemed endless: victory lap, university, college, mcdonalds...There seemed to be so many alternative routes, so many paths to take, all leading in different directions, all paving the way for a potentially bright future. However, as highschool ended, mostly all of us jumped on the same train headed to the exact same fucking stop..The University of Western Ontario. A few people tried to be different and they took the next train to Montreal where they enrolled at McGill. Now the problem with trying to be different is that everyone tries to be different. So while everyone is trying to be different, all they really end up doing is becoming the same. Though most people ended up at Western, McGill still acquired a good number of people. These two schools became polarized by a tension that split them into two distinct groups.

Over the course of 4 years of university, a number of variances between these two groups has become clear. While Western is home to a team of intellectually roudy partygoers, the McGill group has come to be defined by their ornate homosexuality and their propensity for all male pre drinks. A favorite pastime of McGillians (as they like to be called) is fellating one another. President of the McGill chapter, birdly turtick, has been quoted on more than one occasion as saying "We do it big at McGill, we sing like no ones listening, we dance like no ones watching and we love like we've never been hurt, we dont' really care what people think of us...we just do who we want, how we want, when we want."