St. Patty's Day Tourney: Headlines and Match ups

Welp, it’s that time of the year again folks…..St. Patty’s day is upon us and so is the 2nd annual debaucherous 25 minute flip cup tourney. The hype to this year’s festivities have reached level records with a 32 team tourney, 15 expected kegs, a whiteboard, a referee, and coverage from ESPN the “Ocho”.
Here’s a look at some of the most intriguing first round match ups and tournament headlines.

1. WILL A CHAMPION FINALLY BE CROWNED?
It’s been 3 years since The Degenerates/degenerationnation.com moved into 57 & 4th and we’re still awaiting our first flip cup champion. Whether it’s been the police, the booze, the lack of, or just plain stupidity nobody’s left with the belt. Still, to everyone’s amazement unit 4 claims that the title belongs to them.
“It’s my house, so I make the rules. If you don’t like them you can fuckoff. Another word and your team will lose its spot in the tourney.”
Righhhhhhhhhhhhhht.
*********
Vegas odds had the tourney being completed at 20 to 1.
For this to happen a number of things must go down.

1. The Degenerates MUST make it to the finals. If they’re not there who knows if they’ll have enough motivation to complete the tourney. I really don’t want to picture them losing. I can’t decide if it will end in heartbreak or housebreak but in some way shit will hit the fan.

Picture Team Ivey losing a case comp to 31 homeless teams. Or 123 Lets Blaze losing in a bole ripping contest to The Girls Next door. Or the Quebecqueers not being the biggest homos around (why do they take pride in this).

All I’m saying is that I don’t want to be anywhere near the Degenerates during any of their matches. If I’m matched up against them, I will forfeit. I don’t need to witness a murder, nor be a part of one.

If you want this tourney to finish, let them pass through.

2. The underage bar tender/referee chick who was hired straight out of Sammy’s last week cannot fuck up the beer nor get arrested. On the subject of girls, pouring beer on a white t-shirt is an acceptable method of drinking.

3. When (not if) the cops come, give them a spot in the tourney. Too many times people sketch out when they show and bounce. Why not have a spot slated for them in the bracket? It only makes sense. There’s no way they’ll turn it down. If they’re on the same page as us I can’t imagine more than a 3 minute meet and greet with them before their on their way.
Actually I’d like to see The Degenerates take the down cops 4-0 and then all get arrested. (That would be more classic than a Mel and Mike Little simultaneous ejection from a Forest Hill hockey house league game.)
But of course that would end the tourney, so let’s all be legit to the pigs and have donuts waiting.
****************
For all intensive purposes let’s say all the aforementioned take place, leading to the FIRST EVER CHAMPION.
Congratulations to the champs for doing enough blow to not feel any affects of alcohol.
Now the question is who will contend for the belt…

2. THE FAVOURITES

Team Jayden. Enough said. I don’t know who else is on the team. It doesn’t matter. Vegas Odds 6 to 1

The Degenerates – Yes we all know it’s their tournament. If ROZ can figure out how to flip they should be heading to the finals. But that’s a BIG if. Vegas Odds 4 to 1.

Team Steam - They’re veteran 5th year flippers and have already taken down a golf tourney this year. Watch out for these sickos. Big Question: In which round will Wizzle’s banters turn to jibberish…..If it’s after the 3rd round than they’re good to go….. Vegas Odds 8 to 1

3. THE DARK HORSES
1. Beer Factor (Phil Zuker, Jesse Farkas, Dave Chajes, Colt Haywood)
Vegas Odds are paying 25 to 1. Throw your money on them
If you had an award for the most random team these guys would win hands down. But besides being 4 singles merged into 1 team they could be a force in the tourney.
Since no team has ever won this tournament I’m going to make up my own formula for success. These guys have met the criteria.
Have someone that’s a blood relative to Jayden. There’s no explanation needed.
Having zero team chemistry and zero experience together. It’s clear that no team has won that’s had experience so it’s gotta be a curse.
Big Question: Will it be a problem that the players will forget their teammates names throughout the tourney?

2. Half Empty (83 St. George # 17) – The only 4 man 4 year house in London history. It’s fair to say that these 4 have accomplished nothing together as a house, (except a yearly poker game) and in that span and have gathered enough hatred for each other to fuel an African tribe. Well, WHAT’S THE POINT VENTURA??
Only this! ……..These 4 can fuel that bitterness into a 25 minute tourney and for the first time in 4 years can make something positive happen as a house. I really would not bet against them. These guys were up 3-0 to the Vaughan Panthers, completely blew it, and then gathered up enough balls to win it in 7. Seriously these guys have heart: When they want.
The Big Question?: After a startling injury can coach Jack “Landen” Adams switch flip his team to the finals?

3. The Girls Next Door (sam, Jamie, jen, Emily)
These girls are on their home court. Nothing phases them. These girls are good. They’re reminding me of the ’91 Twins. Very resilient. I did however see them spying on The Degenerates during their daily flipcup workouts. So spygate controversy may arise.
The Big Question: Would they give up their tivo/PVR for 1 day for a shot at the title. I say yes. Vegas Odds 32 to 1

4. THE NO SHOTS IN HELL

All Day (165 Ann)
I’m having a tough time understanding the meaning behind their name. Does it refer to the youtube video when the guy blazes all day, or is it referring to how these fuckers slept ALL DAY through the tourney last year. Who says that this year will be any different? Are they even gonna show up??? Do they even drink? How did these girls get a spot in the bracket to begin with? What a disgrace…. Vegas Odds: 250 to 1.

Wyked Scepter (Jared Shoychet, Ryan Sax, Ryan Perlus, Sped)

We’ve all heard of the curse of the Black Pearl, The curse of the Bambino, but what you haven’t heard about is the CURSE OF THE COMPLEX. For 3 long wintry years these men roamed unit one: Shattering snake aquariums, jumping off balconies, stealing pizza pockets, cheering for the Titans, puking and pissing on the newly seeded grass, and of course dismantling barbeques. The lords of the 57th Complex would not let this go unnoticed. Not only would their pipes burst in their new home over reading week but they’d be eliminated in the first round of the St. Patty’s day flip cup tourney 2 weeks later. Their “Drink Hard…Flip soft” motto would only last them 6 games in their old stomping grounds. A disappointing yet fitting end to their time at the complex. Karma had caught up to them. The CURSE OF THE COMPLEX lives on. Vegas Odds 275 to 1

Quebecqueers
They named THEMSELVES the Quebecqueers. They don’t have much going for them other than a massive left nut and some inner team beef over a female Quebecqueer (which could be a highlight match up if they both miraculously make it out of round 1). As well, at the 57th and 4th tourney we use large red cups. Not pussy blue shot glasses from Montreal. They will not be able to adapt to this change, and given the incompetence of these 4 lads (These are the same guys that chose Montreal over this town, and are still sticking to that fucked up decision.) I find it nearly impossible for them to make any noise in the tourney. Bring your green hats. Queers.
Vegas Odds: 180 to 1

5. Other important First Round match ups
4 Guys 1 Cup vs. Team Tyler Peikes
Should be a cakewalk if 4 guys 1 cup use apple juice. I’ll take them in 7

Team Ivey vs. Swallow don’t Spill
Otherwise known as the worst team name vs. the best team name. Honestly, who the hell would name their team Team Ivey. Imagine if every team were as hurting as these girls. It would sound something like this. TEAM BMOS FINANCE VS. CHAT APPLIED HEBREW TIGERS…..or……TEAM PHILOSPHY SOCIAL SCI ROOM 3018 VS. TEAM MIT 221. Make sure you’re dressed in green and not your ivey attire for the tournament. Swallow don’t spill in 6

Team Lexi vs. Team Amanda
I’ve heard rumblings that Team Lexi is bringing in 2 or 3 subs. That would call for immediate disqualification. (On another note isn’t great that the Chajes’s have 3 different kids playing on 3 different teams. I was hoping they’d all play on the same team. I guess that was out of the question) Team Amanda in 5

Angry Penguins vs. Thirsty Camels
Last years surprise team vs. 4 trustworthy girls. Khazzam chirping with his new haircut will be enough to throw them off their game. Angry Penguins in 4


I’ve wasted a shit load of time writing this. See you Monday
- Beer guy

A glimpse into the mind a of a degenerate

So Im siting here watching an episode of Room Raiders, nursing my hangover, and the Feral Child came and delivered a Club Sandwich. Ever excited I open up the standard Styrofoam container to discover that my bread had not been toasted. The fact that someone made a club without toasting the bread is boggling to the mind. Who doesn’t toast a club? I would call them retarded but after my 1st year experience in the huron cafeteria I know that retards can toast a club.

A want a girl with fake tits – maybe im just not observant but it seems that UWO has a serious lack of girls who have gone under the knife. Im sitting here, watching an episode of Room Raiders and this girl has a pair of what are clearly silicone chesticles. It made me realize that I have yet to hit a girl with artificial funbags. That has definitely be put on the top of my ‘to do’ list. Putting the pun aside, it is definitely something I’ve got to pay attention too. This makes me realize something about myself. This post, combined with the nicest ass poll, has illustrated that im not very observant.

That Club Sandwich – although not toasted – was quite delicious.

- Take a guess

What happened last night

So im sitting here watching an episode of gay Next nursing my hangover and then it occurred to me. I cant remember anything past midnight last night.
I remember going to the OHM fashion show. I left at the intermission, which was probably for the best considering everyone around me wanted to kill me. Apparently heckling and yelling at fashion shows is not appropriate. No one told me that, and when you factor in the last show I saw was Howie Mandel in Vegas, who absolutely thrives off heckling, I was creating quite the fiasco. After being asked to quite down by all those around me I figured it was time to get out of there. Brownboy and myself hit the road and made the requisite Ice, Smokes, and Redbull pickup and then continued to predrink.
If anyone has any idea what took place after the above events please leave a comment

- I know i went to 29
- My cab got stuck twice on my way there

The Degeneral

The Degeneral - Thoughts on The Poll

Well Reading Week has come to an end. Now begins that mass migration of young adults back to their respective learning institutions. For those who drive, the journey can be filled with adventure and excitement, doobies and mcdonalds, traffic and poor-visibility. Students may travel great distances on their migratory route in order to reach their destination.

What this means for us? St Patty's is right around the bend and as depressing as this sounds, there are less then two months of school. After returning back to school and checking the Blog the Degeneral was quite intrigued with the 'who has the nicest pooper poll'. No poll has yet to generated so much controversy and attention. Here are the results of the 2008 Nicest Bum Competition.

Before we get started I would like to say something about the nature of this poll. Firstly, one thing to keep in mind that how many times a person may have voted for a certain individual. I know for a fact that Kruger voted for Dre at least 6 times. Secondly, all candidates should be proud and honored to be on this list. All you girls are sexy as fuck and should take this as nothing but a compliment. There was great debate put into coming up with this list and I would like to personally say that all of you (with the exclusion of dre) have exquisite behinds. With that said, lets get to it.

#1 - Rebecca "White Lips" Goldstein - 18%
From the outset, people were suggesting White Lips as a candidate for the list. A clear front runner from the very beginning. The Degeneral has encountered the White Lips on more then one occassion however I tend to be BOD during these interactions so I cannot really recall the state of her tailpiece. I guess this means I'm really do for a second look.

#2 Tara Vasev - 16%
A was quite shocked by this result. Not because of Tara, because there is no denying the pleasing nature of her rear-end but because I barely know her. I was friends with her back-in-the-day and if things have not changed since then, there is no denying that she has a well deserved position on our poll. ;)

#3 Chloe Wade - 15%
Whats better than a sweetheart with a sweet-ass? Not much and that is why C-Wade faired so well in the poll. The only good thing about her leaving you is watching her walk away

#4 Carly Gallinger - 13%
The only surprise here is that Carly did not produce more favorable results. With an ass you can open a beer with, my only regret is that this blog does not have pictures*

#4 Marissa Daniels - 13%
Tied for fourth place Marissa made a late run in the poll to reach her place in the standings. Although a very elusive individual the sheer reputation of how nice her ass is propelled her into the standings. Its a shame that she never takes it out to play.

#5 Dominique Ven... - 4%
Everyone can agree that this is quite a shocker. Dom was a favorite from the beginning to win this poll. I believe the low results are actually a sign of the notoriety her booty has. When voting, guys pass over it assuming that half of the other degenerates out there are gonna vote for her and I being a true degenerate am gonna throw my vote somewhere else.

Now obviously Dre was left out of this passage. Thats because making fun of Dre is way to easy. Like the way when he takes a shit he sits like A.C. Slater or that he wipes his ass towards his balls.

The Degeneral Signing Off



* If any of the contestants would like to send in pictures please email westernflipcup@hotmail.com

a response to update

After reading this post it came to my attention that upon my last visit to Wendy's a similar problem came about. But with that said, these same problems occur constantly at every fast food establishment in the entire world. Between McDonald's, Wendy's, Harvey's, Arby's, Burger King, Taco Bell, Dairy Queen and any of those sick filthy fast food joints I've forgotten, I can barely remember the last time I got good service. And I'm not looking for service with a smile, or a guarantee that no one is spitting in my fries; Alls I'm looking for is a little common sense. I mean seriously, I never make a big deal about it at the time, but every time I come home with a fucking spoon for my baked potato or a banquet burger with no cheese I get one step closer to formal complaint. Granted once I eat the sugar laden fast food meal I quickly forget all about complaining, and instead fall into a trance like state of fast food delirium. AHHHH the sweet satisfaction of sugar and salt clogging my vital arteries. leading my favourite symptons, say it with me now "Nausea, Heartburn, Indigestion, Upset Stomach, Diarhea, hey Pepto Biz- is that Chajes's mom?" No!! its not my fucking mom!! Anywayz... back to the real problem, the source of all this controversy, those burger flipping, chicken grilling, grease slinging, pop drinking, bacon frying executive assholes at the Multinational Fast Food Corporations that employ dudes who are too stupid to remember their names so they get it tattooed on their arm or neck. It is this lack of discrimination in job placement that perpetuates shitty service and the incoherent thought process that leads to me getting croutons instead of peanuts with my ice cream.

In summation the fast food industry has seriously lowered the bar when it comes to service, and the next time someone messes up your order, dont get mad, upset, or irritated, get even by messin with their heads. Simply stop and consider the fact that there is a reason that this specific person is working the McDonald's drive-through at 3:30 AM and its not cause they enjoy the clientèle. So next time, instead of complaining, read the persons name off their neck or name tag, and strike up a conversation... ask them about their respective opinion on multinational corporations who marginalize their workers through systemic oppression. And when the person stands in silence with a bewildered look of confusion on their face, you can drive away happy knowing that you successfully brain fucked them.

UPDATE

**** I Just Went to Wendys ****

But more importantly after receiving my order I noticed that I had not received a coke but instead a sprite. Now anyone who knows me knows how much I love the coke... nevertheless i withdrew from the requisite tantrum demanding a free meal and instead though maybe I would enjoy this sprite.
After returning home, and not having sprite for many years, I have decided that it taste like absolute bunghole without Vodka. Needless to say I was forced, by the Wendy's corporation, to add vodka into my drink in order for me to consume the meal I had just purchased from said corporation. Now its 3:00 pm and Im half buzzed all thanks to those turd burglars at Wendy's

****** 7 DAYS LEFT TO REGISTER FOR FLIPCUP ******
westernflipcup@hotmail.com

The Degeneral Visits Sin City

For Students Reading Week represents an opportunity to do almost anything but read. Many decide to travel to more tropical climates and enjoy some hard drinks and hard bodies on the beach. Others use this opportunity to hit the slopes and enjoy plenty of powder both on and off the hill. The Degeneral, on the otherhand, used this opportunity to take a rite of passage that is required for all young males in western culture. That of course being a trip to Las Vegas. The city is entrenched with the very roots of the debaucherous behaviour. Gambling, free-booze and prostitution. These are the very pillars in which Vegas was built upon on, as well as some of the basic principles of the Degeneration Nation. The Degeneral was going to spend the next 4 days of his life there.

First thing that one must understand about Las Vegas is that your experience their in relation to the time elapsed has no bearing outside of anywhere except Vegas. It's kind of like the island on Lost but we will get into that later. From the very beginning the trip had the makings to be epic. An initial group of 5 of us was to fly on two separate flights from Toronto at 8:55pm on Sunday night. And 3 more would make the drive from L.A. a day or so later.

The best thing about flying at night is that it is socially acceptable to get hammered. I hate flying in the morning because everyone looks at me like an alcoholic. At 10pm im just looked at as a heavy drinker.

After checking in the group does the obvious and hits the bar. The worst things about airports these days...

... no its not the security, no its not the ridiculous lines, and no its not the fact that you cant bring toothpaste on a 13 hour flight. Its the fact that airports no longer have smoking rooms. Look, im all for isolating smokers so people dont have to smell second hand smoke. I hate second hand smoke. I love first hand, but i hate second hand smoke. But that doesnt mean I should not be allowed to enter a vacuum sealed room with poor-ventilation thats jam packed with other smokers and take 15 minutes off my life. That is my choice and the choice of all the other people in that terrarium of life...

... Anyways, im a few pints in deep, longing for a smoke, when who walks into the bar? None other then two of my buddies from school - and where are they going? Vegas baby vegas. So these two guys, who we will call Anthony and Lbow, are actually on the other flight with the rest of my team. We continue to pound the beer and eventually part ways. Me and my buddy who from here on out will be reffered to as The Flash boarded our pain and continued the drinking.

I dont know what it is about drinking on planes but it definately gets you more bombed. Maybe its the air, maybe its the altitude but dude, after 6 Canadians on the plane and a few rounds of 1 vs 1 Flip Cup I was feeling it. Needless to say, the flight flew by and in no time we were landing in Vegas - it was 1:15am Vegas time. By 2 we were checked in and on the floor. The absolute most beautiful thing about vegas is that there is no last call and there is no natural light. At 3:00 am it might as well be 3:00pm and no one can seem to tell the difference.

Now this was the Degeneral's first time ever really gambling, I'd played poker both casually as well as online but never in a casino. And as fate would have it I would never even touch any cards. The Flash, who I owe greatly for this, spent the first 25 minutes of his trip teaching me the basics of Craps. By 3:00 am I had $2bills on the table and having the time of my life. - OH by the way not only are all you drinks free, all your cigarettes are free ... I was ordering Double GreyGoose and Redbull with side of Marlboros. - So night one is floating away when at 4:00 my Blackberry goes off. Whose calling? None other then Anthony and Lbow who are at a club with bottle and booth, and not only that they've ran into two more our friends from school. So I part ways with my travelling partners and hit cab too the club. After greasing my way in I join up with my buddies and proceed to get BOD.

At some point, which I assume can be no later then 6 am because thats what time the club closed I heading back to the Casino on my way own. I remember being surprised and somewhat disappointed that I was never solicited by a prostitute. Eitherway after re-entering the Casino and enhaling that oxygen enriched air I sobered up (relatively) and went back to the craps table. Now the next 4 hours are the most inebriated and unintelligible of the trip but also possibly the most significant. From 6 until 11 I managed to win a G playing craps. This money would be used to fuel my debauchery, and possibly others, for the rest of the trip.

Next thing I know the Blackberry is going off again, The Flash has arisen. I cashed out and headed off to breakfast.

The events that followed breakfast are nothing more than vague flashes for me. I know we went for a walk a long the strip where Im not sure but I may have been singing "Glamorous" by Fergie. I remember sitting in a comfortable chair in a store for way too long and being asked to leave. And next thing I know i was on my way up to my room. It was now just past noon. Day 1 was officially over. At least in vegas time it was. Little did i know i was to wake up in 4 hours and continue my scientific experiment how long a body can function solely on alcohol, caffeine, and cigarettes.

***** TO BE CONTINUED
COMING NEXT - DAY 2 IN THE CITY OF SIN

doozie the troozie

welcome to the blog,
to those of you who don't read our nonsense very often i invite you to venture into the literature of 4 seriously sick fucks. This post is actually for the inexperienced reader whose knowledge of Ebonics and other social slangs isn't at par with the average douchebag dude who sits around all day coming up with new shit to post on urban dictionary as a pass time. this post is for all those times that you're sitting around listening to a bunch of friends talk, and a couple words you hear being used just don't make sense to you. Well let me explain something real quick. all words can have alternate meanings it just depends how you use it. if it sounds good enough it will be accepted as legitimate slang after a while. if it sounds fuckin stupid... people will let you know and you will quickly lose your credibility as a slang inventor. additionally, slang can get mutated and words that once sounded legit get mixed up in a mess and become something else. the intricate and convoluted use of slang is therefor a very difficult game to pick up. so here are some terms that are well recognized by many, and if you use them properly you shouldn't be surprised when people know what you're saying.

terms:
what are you up to? or whats up? where are you going? - wuts poppin, wuts good, wuts your word, wuts the flex, wut are you sayin, whats your scene, where you rollin, wuts your deal, wheres the chill, you gonna reach?

mutated versions- wuts your word becomes "chur word"... are you going out becomes "you rolling out"...
amoung others, all of those mean around the same thing, but be careful in usage cuz remember its all about credibility. just because some guy says "whats your felch?" does not mean "felch" is a legit slang.

so to those of you who understand this shit please feel free to explain this next sentence in a comment on this post

" yo my dude, wuts the dilly.... some fellas were looking for a session figured youd be down. they lookin to pick a fin or wutver you can spot 'em. so tonight we'll get belig hit rum rizzys for a bit before i get BOD and yuke all over your pad with a pouter in hand"

The real music videos

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The Degeneral Strikes Again - a typical pregame

Like most, I have always thought I had a purpose in life. Some underlying path that only I was meant to take. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I expect to be walking the path I am. I always thought my purpose lied outside of hedonistic experience and debauchery. But as my short time on earth has proven, little else can remain a central part of my being as much as fornication and fraternization. Sure there are outside endeavors and pursuits but nothing that we attack with such intemperance as going on a free-living, hell-bent blowout. Very few things ignite the passion that can be seen in an individual going through a night of degeneracy. It seems that me and many others are quite adept at the high-living indulgent life style that tends to be reserved for rockstars. Below is an outline of the typical night of a Degenerate.

7:30pm - Open first beer.
- The first beer of the night has the ability to wake the party animal inside of us all. You arise from your burnt out stupor and begin thinking more clearly. Usually corresponds with a puck-drop of tip-off.
7:45pm - Second beer.
- With the second beer one finds whatever one is doing has gone much more exciting. Your voice begins to rise slightly and you find yourself subconsciously clapping during moments of exhilaration
8:00pm - Three Beer
- At this point you are speaking like you are standing in front of a classroom. Word annunciation become emphasized and at this point your talking at a level that would wake up anyone in your house if they were not also talking at the same level you are.
8:15pm - Beer #4
- The initial activity that got you drinking (such as a sporting event) now takes second place to generally tomfoolery that is often followed with some form of drinking game (or drinking athletics as I like to call it)
8:40 - 9:00 - Beer Me A Shower
- Ahhh the shower drink. What a great time can be had half-buzzed with a full beer in the shower. You better expect some singing and probably some dancing. This is one of those only times were you absolutely comfortable with anyone barging into the shower. In fact, you pretty much want it to happen just for shits.
9:00-9:30 - Beer 6 - Being a DD - a drunk dresser
- After the shower, grab another beer, and have your requisite smoke after shower. At this point the tunes start blaring and you face one of the biggest decisions of the night, what to wear. Drunk Dressing is a skill that can only be learned over time. People who are not used to it can often have unforeseen and often unforgettable results with critical articles of clothing missing or backwards. To be a successful drunk dresser you have to devote yourself to it. That means a serious regiment of getting drunk every time you get dressed. Yes, that includes breakfast. How else are you going to learn? I mean I know beerios are cliche but they can really help you in this endeavor.
9:30 - The Prejizz
- At this time you head once again to your respective common room where the noise from the television has been replaced with laughing and arguments over irrelevant issues. It's time to get off that beer shit, you know what they say beer is a lot like making love in a canoe*. Pick your poison, Vodka with Fresca and Redbull is my personal favorite but what do i know.
10:15 - The Pregame
- Now some of your closer friends have begun to arrive. No longer is it just you and your housemates but a growing contingent of degenerates. Doors are open. Smokes are smoked. And it is a wonder how the cops are not here yet.
10:45 - The Predrink
- Boys and Girls are now celebrating in there degeneracy. Introductions are made, inhibitions go down the drain, and deathmix goes down the throat. This is often seen as the best part of the night. The hour or so where everyones together before entering the high intensity atmosphere of the bar or club. After leaving the predrink you may never see these people again so cherish the time you have...


Next Week... The Return of the Degeneral - 12:00-2:30> The Bar, 2:30-6:30 > The Post Drink

* It's fucking close to water

Bums...behinds...tushys....asses...cracks...cheeks....anuses....poopers...what have you

This weeks poll is who has the nicest one in london.

Post a comment to suggest who you think should be nominated for 2008's nicest ass award.

Part 3 - Rantings of a Displaced Pirate

Welcome back to the third installment of Rantings of a Displaced Pirate. The Rantings have continually tried to shed light on the modern day Pirate movement (or Pirattitude as its known to its followers) and express the thoughts of a modern day swashbuckl'r living off the Thames.

Firstly, the swashbuckl'r would like to give serious props to Jordana Hart for taking down the 'Who'd you bang poll'. She has repeatedly upped her game throughout university and the public has seemed to take notice. Congratulations but dont let it get to your head

Since the last posting and the revelation that there would indeed be a part 3 of rantings of a displaced pirate there has been much talk about the subject at hand. That of course being the phenomenon of Girls who only talk to you at bars and their underlying self-esteem issues behind it. This issue is directly related to booze and its ability to loosen and lower inhibitions. In todays society it is often common place for the male gender to approach and introduce, however, this role can be reversed in many social situations where liquor is involved. This role reversal can inevitably lead to confusion upon a second more sober introduction. Now my personal problem is that i constantly get BOD* and cant remember the things I saw or the people I did. Now this lack of memory combined with the females inability to approach for the second time can often lead to impression that I may be rude or disinterested when really I just dont remember. In fact to make it into the displaced mind of the pirate one must often do outrageous or outlandish things.

Now it's important to highlight the key message in the above ranting. Girls, if you've met a guy at a bar and he seems to ignore you the next time u see him. He's not ignoring you he just doesnt remember you. You decide which is worse.

* BOD - Black Out Drunk

Coming up...
Next week's poll.... who has the best ass in london (please post potential nominess in comment section)
PART 4 of Rantings of a Displace Pirate - The Pillage and Plunder of Saint George

secondary persona

As the title suggests, this posting will discuss the idea of secondary persona's. To many of you this term might be new, and some might think I'm simply talking about medically determined illness like bipolar behavior or schizophrenia. unlike those diseases, this kind of secondary persona is much less serious and is commonly brought on by the over consumption of alcohol or marijuana. If you're starting to see the bigger picture, you may know someone with this hilarious tendency.
throughout my high school and university career, my friends and I have spent numerous nights testing the effects of alcohol and marijuana sometimes separately and sometimes together in order to find the perfect dosage to create the blissful point of "absolute intoxication". This point that I speak of is rarely reached because you usually find yourself hugging the bowl, slurring your words or passing out on the nearest floor. In our attempts to get fucked up beyond all recognition, on a search for a "Zen" like place that doesn't exist, we have come perilously close to alcohol poisoning many times.
But I digress, this article is about the hour or 45 minutes right before the boiling point of puking or passing out. It is in this time period that a few of my friends guys and girls have shown the ability to leave their bodies and minds entirely and allow some subconscious entity to take control and handle the decision making process on what promises to be a sloppy ride. This foreign entity is what I like to call the secondary persona but for the sake of writing, I will refer to the Secondary Persona as SP. Usually the SP carries attributes that are totally out of sync with your friend's regular characteristics.
In some cases the alcohol induces extreme violence, destructive tendencies, or extreme depression and your former friend becomes unapproachable without serious risk of danger or long boring conversation. At other times the SP actually becomes a pretty good person to party with. Your once shy awkward friend is now the party animal he or she has always wanted to be. Now the conscious mind that was holding them back has drowned in pool of alcohol and weed smoke and the SP is embracing the spotlight. With the SP in control, the people around take notice and girls often create a name for this previously unseen side of their friend, usually "drunken ______ (insert name)" because they aren't creative enough to get a jokes name going. the males self-proclaime nicknames like the suave-dog, casa-nova, Jewy the Jew, Smashley, tequila-rosen-coke'enblatt, or slightly easier names like Karl and Doug become the title of this rising star. His or her once quiet demeanor has turned into a brilliant source of one liners, jokes, and shows of alpha male dominance or in the case of girls the ability to dance all night in 7 inch heels and the courage to chirp a guy who you otherwise be intimidated by. Their pick up artistry is suave and confident, and the guy who could never seal the deal now has his choice of half the brods in the room and the reserved little girl who would never flirt with a guy is now grinding with guys like she's on BET uncut....
Unfortunately for the guys, the SP baller has no interest in women beyond a sloppy make out here or there, because the SP's real interests lie in continuous drinking and partying in order to maintain control. for women the problem is created by their friends whose jewish motherly instincts pull the blossoming young SP away from her beau and take her home to bed. Guys don't have friends who will take us home and spare us the embarrassment of hooking up with a brod you thought you slayed with the precision of a sniper rifle at the time, but in-fact you were wearing a welders mask and you were actually using a harpoon to reel it in.
Sadly, the over consumption of alcohol that once led to fame and fortune is now the flaw that will lead to his inevitable demise. The peak of his stardom comes and goes and the night crawls slowly to the end at which point our once legendary rocker SP has spilled 3 drinks on himself, turned down 2 women who were interested, and is left with 1 thing. The bottle of booze he started the night with. He carries the empty 26er in hand until he smashes it for one last rush before he stumbles home with the smell of alcohol and weed emanating from every pore.


Of course this can be changed and as friends it is our responsibility to make sure that friends were drinking with don't get out of hand. but if you ask me, who wants to party with a negative Nancy or shy guy when you know there is an SP baller waiting to come out from behind the curtains of soberness??... so to all of those who really only get to hear about your cool swinging Secondary Persona from your friends the next morning, i raise this glass to you, cuz god willing we'll be partying together again soon.

Fuck Weldon

Fuck Weldon, fuck the guy who spent time designing this ugly Fucking concrete monstrosity in the middle of campus. fuck the dude who decided there wouldn't be a heated smoking area, fuck the laptop section that gets disconnected from the internet every 30 minutes, fuck the shitty ass elevators that smell like hot garbage, fuck the guys who sit alone at a table that seats atleast five, fuck the sash wearing hall monitor wannabe's who hand out fake fuckin tickets for eating, like its a fuckin crime?!! fuck the dingy lighting, the lack of seating, and the guys who wear way too much cologne, fuck the windows that dont look outside, fuck the cement walls that are designed to look like wood, fuck the squeaky chairs, the cubicals without plugs, and the fuckin girls who are always on their cell phones. fuck the people who type so loud that everyone can hear, like hitting the space bar harder is gonna make it space faster!! fuck the guy whose earphones are on loud enough to be speakers, fuck the idiots who are on their blackberry's the whole time like their jobs are on the line, fuck the girls with their gum snapping, nails tapping, purse rattling bullshit. but most of all... FUCK YOU ... YEAH YOU ...fuck you for sitting in the library or in class or at home or on your fuckin computer taking time to read this fuckin shit.... FUCK YOU and fuck all the shit that you stand for.

PS. FUCK YOU TOM BRADY... YOU LET ME DOWN MAN

To those of you who do not go to Western, Weldon is the main campus library where the majority of students find themselves spending inordinate amounts of time during high stress work weeks or exam periods. I apologize for the profanity.

J.M IS NO LONGER A VIRGIN...This is ground breaking news that gives hope to men everywhere. God bless that child..and the drunk girl crazy enough to subject herself to this sort of deviant sexual activity.

I was at the bar last night, drinking it up, having a good time, hittin on some ladies. Im talking to this one girl when she suddenly turns to me and asks : do you know my name?...Unaware of her name, I reply honestly and say no. A little dismayed, she offers me a hint. She says, "I'll give you a clue..my name starts with the letter Z". Confused as fuck, I think to myself...a 'Z'? What female name starts with the letter 'Z'?

I go through the list of names in my head and all I can come up with is the name Zelda. I think for a second that there is no way this girl is named zelda, but what other names start with a fucking 'z'? Zena? Zachary? Zev?...who knows....it must be Zelda...Triumphunt in my search for the mysterious z-name, i confidently tell this girl that her name MUST BE Zelda.







(it turns out her name was Zoey)

sometimes when im all alone i finger myself..up and down and in and out..but first I play with my clit to get nice and wet.. then I sometimes use a banana...never eat a banana if a girl offers you one..u must understand where its been..more importantly, dont eat banana bread..(its made from the old, used, rotten ones that stink of pussy)..so unless u want a nice piece of fish bread, just say no.

What smells worse than an anchovi?



...an anchovi's pussy!

A Tale of Two Towns

Remember in grade 12 when you had to make the monumentous decision of deciding what do after highschool? The options seemed endless: victory lap, university, college, mcdonalds...There seemed to be so many alternative routes, so many paths to take, all leading in different directions, all paving the way for a potentially bright future. However, as highschool ended, mostly all of us jumped on the same train headed to the exact same fucking stop..The University of Western Ontario. A few people tried to be different and they took the next train to Montreal where they enrolled at McGill. Now the problem with trying to be different is that everyone tries to be different. So while everyone is trying to be different, all they really end up doing is becoming the same. Though most people ended up at Western, McGill still acquired a good number of people. These two schools became polarized by a tension that split them into two distinct groups.

Over the course of 4 years of university, a number of variances between these two groups has become clear. While Western is home to a team of intellectually roudy partygoers, the McGill group has come to be defined by their ornate homosexuality and their propensity for all male pre drinks. A favorite pastime of McGillians (as they like to be called) is fellating one another. President of the McGill chapter, birdly turtick, has been quoted on more than one occasion as saying "We do it big at McGill, we sing like no ones listening, we dance like no ones watching and we love like we've never been hurt, we dont' really care what people think of us...we just do who we want, how we want, when we want."

The Rantings of a Displaced Pirate (part 2)

BOD - An Epidemic Sweeping The Nation

The news media has recently begun reporting on what most university students have known for a long time. The new culture of university life consists mainly of the mass consumption of alcohol and little else. Gone are the days of the glee club and the sweater vest replaced instead with drinking clubs and the white t-shirts w. logos and fitted baseball hats.

This is not to put down the iconic drinkers of the past. We must always show the utmost respect to the legends of the past. The Rat Pack paved the way for the degenerate lifestyle, in fact it was Dean Martin who said, ""You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." If this expression is lost on you I would encourage you to go to the local LC and down a 26er in one sitting and then you will know what he's talking about.

This trend was embraced and accelerated by the Rock and Roll culture of the 70s. We must never forget the sacrifices made by Keith Moon and John Bonham. If it wasnt for these pioneers of the game people would still be passing out face up in pools of there own regurgitate.

What has changed is that this behaviour is no longer reserved to rockstars and celebrities. In fact it seems that the typical university student (typical in my circle of friends) has far surpassed the average rockstar in terms of partying. The public looks at young hollywood and is appalled by there lewd, debaucherous behaviour and it is at that times I am thankful that I am not a celebrity. Think about waking up after a night of indulgence to see pictures of yourself in a state that you dont even remember. Now thats not my cup of tea. Black Out Drunk has become the norm in many instances. It is very rare that members of the complex are able to piece together any events of the night following our predrinks, which can often be vicious in nature.

BOD, as it is commonly referred to, used to be a sign of a serious alcohol problem. There was one point that if a students parents found him sitting on the main couch in their den covered in his beer-belly ejaculate with no recollection of how he got there, it would have been offensive and deplorable. Now, sure they'd be upset but it aint nothing they havnt seen before.

Enough with these rantings already, there is a point to all this Bucklin' of the Swash. It appears that their has been a steady increase in BOD throughout the river Thames. When your at a bar and your talking to a mate are you actually talking to them? or has their conscious mind been drowned by the behemothic ingestion of alcohol that has already taken place and nothing you say has any consequence what so ever.

I tend to agree with the latter -->

Coming up in Part 3 of Rantings of a Displaced Pirate

Girls Who Only Talk to You in Bars and Their Underlying Self-esteem Issues Behind It

In Response to the Blumpkin

The Angry Dragon - Immediately after you blow your load in a girls mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.

The Club Sped - Blowing your visibly steaming load outside in the winter time, like when you get your cock sucked on a ski lift.

The Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.

The Sandbag - Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well-known cliché of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber, and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically.

The Snowball - This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.

The Spiderman - When you are banging a chick from behind, you cum in your hand and spit on her anus, thus making her think you have ejaculated on her. Then fling your man juice in her face (making sure to properly mimic Spidey's web slinging hand motions), jumping to your feet in a spiderman-esque fashion. Now stand in a position of bravery, and power like any superhero would. Be sure not to react when she yells at you. Stand tall and proud, not too many guys get the chance to do that these days.

- DGN

An open letter to my first blowjob

To the first girl who ever put my penis in her mouth,

We had never met before that night. But any apprehension our shared anonymity fostered was obliterated by our raw sexual chemistry. As you would later whisper, you "were not a slut" and had "never done anything like this before", and as a naive young man I was inclined to believe you. However I now know your claims were empty. The truth lay in your virtuoso oral performance and uncanny ability to work the shaft as I lay spread eagle on your parents bed. 

I admit our communication post DIM* coitus has been sporadic and disjointed (not unlike your vain attempts at breathing while my testicles rested against your chin). But I would like to take this opportunity to thank you; not just for providing a warm and hospitable mouth but for fostering my artistic spirit. I have not forgotten how you bravely volunteered to serve as the virgin canvas, upon which my inner Jackson Pollack first expressed itself (as little beads of genetic material splattered  across your face)

Sincerely,

The Inventor

*DIM: Dick-in-Mouth

BLUMPKINS FOR ALL

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Enough with the fucking questions already

fuck people who ask questions in class....i mean do these kids seriously want their arbitrary and inconsequential questions answered, or do they just want to hear the sound of their own voice? Or do they merely want to appear smart, or intellecutally curious or something along those lines? I dont know.

I do know that they dont give a shit about the answer though. Half the time these people ask questions, they dont even listen to the the teachers response. I sometimes think that these people ask questions just to keep me in class longer, or increase my hate for them...But then i think about it more and I know that this isnt about me...it is about them...Them and theyre stupid desire to appear smart through a practice of question asking that so obviously highlights their kiniving and scheming ways. You know the saying "theres no stupid questions"...well thats a lie...there are definitely stupid questions and there are without a doubt stupid people who ask them. So next time your sitting in class and feel like standing out as the brightest crayon in the box, maybe just repress that desire and shut ur goddamn yap...stop with the fucking questions already. Your silence is strength.

signs that thoughtsof sex ar consuuming ur mind'

whn u have to type with 1 hand caus ur jerkin off wit the otherr

Signs That Thoughts of Sex are Consuming Your Life:

Your thinking about if midgets have the same size vaginas as regular humans or if they have these nice tiny midget pussys

Signs Thats Thoughts Of Sex Are Consuming Your Life...

- you spend your entire three hour night class sitting next to your partner-in-crime, contemplating the power of the pussy while secretly yearning for one another

A diamond encrusted region? or just a crusty spot to hang out with your wang out?

Although there is nothing wrong with thinking about sex or tits or pussy or whatever it is u think about, there is a problem when these thoughts consume your life. There must be a limit to how much we think about these things...

This leads to this weeks question of the day...How much power should we grant the pussy?

Is it some omnipotent all-powerful entity that must be idolized, or is it merely a nice hole analagous to a crack in the wall that we sometimes stuff our garbage into whenever the need strikes us?

Im interested to hear your thoughts

Thoughts on Thoughts

So I am just sitting in my 3 hour night class right now, and all I can think about is pussy. All I can picture in my head is a nice dripping wet vaj. All I can smell is its perfume like scent. All I can taste is the warm juice that flows from this anatomical oasis.

These thoughts consume my time, minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day/ These thoughts consume my life. I sometimes worry that these thoughts are problematic. While I am supposed to be focusing on a lecture, I look at the girl in front of me and just dream about giving her a facial. I look at the girl to my right and I all i can imagine is fucking this girl in the ass. I look to my left and see rosenblatt, and my dick momentarily goes soft.

i hate doing laundry...fucking ro$en&!@tt and his goddamn blue towels. This kid literally has 25 blue towels that he unnecessarily washes twice a day, everyday of the week. I dont get it...

yak ossburns reekroots

crak cokane and eroin...eroin

and eroin

*** SHOCK SITE SUPERSTAR SPOTTED ***

**** COMPLEX UPDATE ****

Various sources have confirmed that Shiela R. Bungleding has been seen around the complex. It was originally thought the Ms. Bungleding was living abroad in Myanmar where she began producing videos that were generally scatological in nature. After her production company reached notoriety with the release of 13 Pre-Teens and 1 Baby the Myanmar government began taking extreme measures to end Shiela's reign of fecal terror. After narrowly escaping to the Ho Chi Minh City, Bungleding decided to shift the focus of her career into a different direction. After a forray into extreme body modification, which at one point included wearing her own nipples as earrings, Shiela found her true calling in the human trafficking trade. Using her good looks and her fervent appetite for the female flesh, it was quite easy for Bungleding to seduce women from across Eastern Europe. Bungleding would employ these women in the many brothels she owned across the world. She even began franchising Bungleding's Brothels and moved back to a supply role for many of the locations. Famous for its high-quality and no-holds barred sodomy, Bungleding's Brothels continues to reap in untold fortunes for her effective streamlining of the human traffic industry. It is know thought that Bungleding has exhausted most of her avenues in Europe and has sought to find new ground in Canada. There has been much speculation about her reasons for her sudden reappearance in the area. Many suggest that Bungleding is here to continue her pursuit for new talent and it is quite logical that the Complex be used due the nature of its demographics and culture. Either way, Dingleberry, er... sorry Bungleding's appearance in the complex can only mean good things for the male population of the complex. Who knows, maybe she's not just looking for new talent, but a new location. In which case, unit #3 would do just fine.

The Degeneral Stikes

Benders

Have you ever noticed that after partying for a long time (at least until the sunrise) that your mind and body begin performing in an entirely different way.
Your body is no long using water to perform simple tasks but instead some kind of solution that is based primarily on liquor (for me its vodka-redbull)
Exhaustion (although you cannot feel it) or rather lack of lack of sleep adds a whole new level of delirium. For me the state of mind after not sleeping for over 24hrs is more uninhibited and degenerate than any level of drunkeness. Over confidence leads to the realization that at 10:30 in the AM nobody would even consider that your completely buckled (although this perception is only valid in your own mind, dude, people can tell your mangled, I mean come on... your in the midst of a bender)
You are now able to do things that you wouldn't have considered if the sun was not up. Driving is now, more than ever, a viable option. No matter how far, cottage missions and cross-country trips are now no longer fleeting, unintentional, insubstantial remarks but are now possible, weighted and potential journeys you may embark on.
After reaching a certain level of intoxication it is acceptable to bring in new life. There is a tendency to do a Darwinian-esque last man standing but tense kind of regulations always lead to an inevitable end of the bender. By not bringing in fresh blood you are limiting yourself to a certain energy and timeline. Getting some fresh blood to join the party the next day can bring in some some much needed enthusiasm, momentum and some good ol' fashioned vim and vigor - not to mention a stash and money, always welcome at this part of your adventure
Weed is a must for any trip. Try to avoid blazing on it early as your stash may be limited. For the most party, drugs will prevent you from feeling the effects of weed. However, when coming down weed is essential as it will:
- make you tired
- ease your stomach
- slows your heart rate (very important as this factor keeps you awake and keeps your body operating at an abnormally active level)

Thats all for now children. Until next time. If your gonna party. party hard.

The Rantings of a Displaced Pirate

Why in Canada, or North America for that matter, do we not have drinking songs? Yes, we have songs that encourage the debaucherous behaviour that rekindles images of my childhood, and; Yes, we have songs that when are played result in people turning up the stereo to 11 and having a good ol' fashioned clam-jam but yet, Canadians as a culture do not have Songs that we sing while we are drinking. Sure we have songs we sing while were hammered (louie-louie is a personal favorite of this swashbuckl'r) but we do not have songs that encompass the drinking-culture of the country. Canada as a nation is missing a crucial part of its identity that can be found in almost all other crown colonies. That is of course is a national drinking anthem.
Other beer drinking cultures do this. There is a certain level of inebriation that seems to reserved to only those who have been colonized by the British. Why is it that the nations that are Crown colonies are the biggest beer drinkers --> Irish, Scotts, Brits, South Africans (SA may or may not be a crown colony - definately not I think it was Dutch). Ill tell you why - because they have national drinking songs. In Canada, a nation that can be considered a top contender for biggest beer drinkers, we lack in these songs and as such drinking will continue to remain only a national passtime. A national drinking anthem changes drinking from a relaxing passtime to a passionate act of patriotism. No longer would drunken revelry between brothers at arms be looked down upon by society but be encouraged and idolized for their outfront and vocal support for their nation. Canada has a problem with patriotism. Many say that the problem comes from the inability for Canadians to recognize one particular Canadian identity, other say it may be a result in the divisions in Canada not just between Anglo and Franco-phones but between the national geographic boundaries between western, central and eastern Canada. The fact of the matter is that the only thing holding back the nationalist sentiments in Canadian is our lack of a national drinking song. This crisis must be addressed immediately, if not by the politicians, then by the people.

Viva La Degeneration

Vodka Redbull

Vodka Redbull

You mask the alcohol until its too late
Drinking them all night is a mistake

They get me loopy, they get me trashed
They get me going, they get me ass

Redbull and Vodka all night long
Redbull and Vodka impairs my shlong

Oh my heart, it beats so fast
Oh my liver, it will never last

UPDATE

Thanks to a strong effort in the first 2 weeks of 2008, quarterly projections indicate a 150% increase in partying in comparison to relative figures of 2007. The alcohol is flowing, and the inhibitions of complex members have reached an all time low of zero. While this would indicate an obvious loss of dignity and self-respect, both factors have actually remained stagnant over this period. Some argue that this kind of reckless alcoholism is unhealthy, but this reporter will instead raise a glass and purpose a toast to the blatant disregard of the liver and all those who stand in our way.
In other news, this morning marks the 37th week of missing complex member Jocelyn (Thibault) Weisharr AKA Jweisz. Last seen on the premises in April of 2007, search parties have found no leads and are no closer to solving the mysterious disappearance. One former house mate told us that before she left jocelyn said "she was sick and tired of being sick and tired..." In a midst of racial slurs and inappropriate language, one member of unit 4 has suggested in his southern accent that " the white cracker ass whore 'spoon-tenaciously corn-busted" (spontaneously combusted), and upon my dismissal of that possibility, he began yelling profanities at the camera. The lack lustered efforts of the search party will continue into the new year and everyone here is hoping for some kind of closure, everyone except for the livid gentleman from unit 4 who maintains his position.


Check the ticker for the latest


notable quotes from the last week
" I'm a total fuckin' weirdo, but he's so much more retarded that I just fly under the radar"
" Sure Michael Richards is a sick filthy racist, but Kramer supports Obama, explain that."

A Bull Market

It has recently come to my attention that aside from enjoying farting, another pastime of the UWO female student body is sucking dick. I swear, it is a secret hobby of theirs...especially those hook nosed jew broads. They can eat more dick than they can swallow. Oh ya, thats another thing, these girls love to swallow. I don't know if they think this stuff is chalk full of vitamins or if they just enjoy the slimey and salty taste (don't ask me how i know what cum tastes like), but these girls love to slurp it down. I polled over 100 women on campus and the spit to swallow ratio came out at 1:9. Analysts have only predicted this ratio to increase. This means good things for the male populus as it translates to a bull market with more blowjobs, more frequently, with less of the sticky mess. 2008 should be good year for the blowjob.

Food For Thought

Contrary to popular belief girls do like farting...well not so much farting as much as what it represents. While males everywhere enjoy the wafting and subsequent deconstruction of the bio-chemical components of their flatulence, for women farting serves a far different purpose. For girls farting represents a level of comfort, an expression of self-disclosure within a relationship akin to a male revealing his inner most desires or fears.

Farting is not disgusting, its loving...so gentlemen next time your girl is mad or acting cold just heat her up with a good old-fashioned dutch oven.

NEWS BREAK

Today, the highly anticipated Complex numbers were released and polls show that over 37% of the pre-drinking public feels unsatisfied with Unit 3's commitment to good times. One alcoholic mentioned that he was verbally abused on the premises and has felt uncomfortable since. Another younger student has been quoted as saying "Its F***ing Bull-Sh*t, if Unit 2 and 4 weren't also in the same general vicinity, I would never pre-game there" Strong words from a coward who wouldn't give his full name to the media. Unfortunately, this kind of slander is uncontrollable, and it seems there is no stop in sight. Whether or not these are statements or truth or just simple opinions is yet to be decided.
But there is one thing on everyone's mind at this juncture, why the fuck did isabelle raise her fuckin prices so much. who the fuck does that vacuum swinging Brazilian bitch think she is???!!! I mean seriously 25$/hour... what the fuck are you cleaning with!!! fuckin goldschlagger??!!!

It is a Dark day at the complex when she is no longer welcome due to the inflation in the house cleaning market. farewell Isabelle... farewell.

Tit Mouse= Not a tit, nor a mouse...but yes, it is in fact a small blue bird that sings.

Hamster= not a ham, nor does it stir things...it is in a fact a small fuzzy rodent that has, in recent years, been domesticated in north america as a common house pet.

Marijuana= not mary as in jesus's mother, nor is it the female form of the mexican name Juan. It is in fact a drug with immeasurable medicinal value that goes quite well with food and getting your dick sucked.

Intervention

Have you ever been tired? Are you often hungry? Do you enjoy getting drunk?...Then you may have a problem. It has recently come to our attention that there have been some inappropriate behaviours expressed in the actions of a number of complex members. This monday we will be holding our first intervention where we will discuss the issue at hand.

The chronicles of a complex

As Feral child walked into our house this morning, he alerted us of his presence by the mere odor emanating from his body.   It smelled like a combination of vodka, male ejaculate, and something else, maybe vomit.   As for his attire, he was draped in a floral bed sheet...something reminiscent of the curtains you would find at your grandmothers house.  Usually, his style of dress is somewhat old school, though usually it is more formal than the toga like covering he is currently wearing.  (He frequently wears his zaidy's sweaters with matching slacks).  This morning, he looks particularly interesting though (not only because of his grotesque smell and weird clothing).  He has a partially sad expression on his face, complimented by a scheming grin (possibly he is planning on  who to black berry message next, possibly he is thinking about a shiny object he found on a walk, perhaps he is thinking about nothing at all.  In fact, it is likely he is thinking nothing at all).  This is the feral child.  This is his essence.  This is the child that must be destroyed.  

The Beating of a Feral Heart

"He may be gay, but I'm definitely on the verge of bi"

"She just wants to get fucked...I wanna spread her legs put a little cream cheese and salmon on it and just go at it"

"I'm gonna go to the bar and KILL it...seriously I'm going to take out a gun and just start stabbing"

"I wanna become more ferally just roll around in the mud and cover myself with leaves and just hit the bars...LEAF BOY, cover it with the jungle!"

"I dislocated my shoulder last night for the first time while I was oohntzing"